All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
