I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
