and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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