I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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