just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
