I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
the liver wants what the liver wants
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
