My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
