Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
