I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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