So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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