you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
