Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
