i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
