My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
