This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
