i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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