the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
