Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
