I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Randomize
