Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
