Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
