you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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