if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Randomize
