i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
