Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
