Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
