Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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