you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
