I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
