dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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