I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
