it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
