Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
