Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
