I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
