I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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