Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
