Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
