I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
