we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
