He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
this boner is exhausting
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
