"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
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