and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
