i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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