just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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