How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
