God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
