i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
