sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
