He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
