Whod you bang
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
