I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
