There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
