Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
