I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
