Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
