im six kinds of drunk right now
people are starting to question the shark bite story
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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