You don't have asthma, your pregnant
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I need to calm my uterus...
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
