Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
