The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
only you would photoshop your dick
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
