Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
The feeling are messing with the penis
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
