Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
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