I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
