Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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