i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
