I would go down on you faster than GM stock
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
