I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
