roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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