I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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