even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
