There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
