I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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