you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize