When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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