The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
