Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
And then he peed in my hair
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