Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
