So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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