my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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