Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
