Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize