Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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